Memory Connection offers new space for joy in dementia
By Jessica Brodie
ROCK HILL—One United Methodist church in the Rock Hill District has started a new dementia care ministry, and it’s bringing joy to volunteers and participants alike.
Woodland UMC launched The Memory Connection Oct. 14 as a way to provide respite care for people living with dementia. Two days a week—Mondays and Fridays—people with dementia are dropped off at the church by their caregivers for a four-hour span. The participants, along with a host of volunteers, get to enjoy a time of cognitive, social and spiritual connection in a safe and loving space, while their caregivers get a break to go to doctor appointments or have other needed time to themselves.
It’s a huge blessing to both the volunteers and to the participants, said Woodland’s pastor, the Rev. Robin Griffeth, bringing joy and meaning one encounter at a time.
“I’m their biggest cheerleader,” said Christian Gatlin, whose mom, Linda, is a participant in the ministry.
Before, her mom was often depressed because of dementia, only getting out of the house once a week for church.
“She was just at home, looking at the four walls,” Gatlin said.
Gatlin is convinced God had her drive down the road past the church one day, where she saw a sign advertising the ministry. She went to an informational meeting, and now her mom comes every time, eager to connect with others.
“She likes to socialize, and she wants to go. Everyone’s so friendly, so open, and they make her feel at home,” Gatlin said. “When she gets around people, she’s in a good mood.”
That’s exactly the idea—to bring joy and socialization to people often isolated because of their struggles with cognitive and other issues caused by dementia.
‘Woodland can do this’
It all started in May, when Griffeth decided to go to the conference’s first Cognitive Connection Ministry event at Cokesbury UMC, Charleston. At the time, Woodland had four families affected by dementia, and Griffeth wanted to learn more about what her congregation could do to be helpful. One man’s caregiver had shared with her how lonely he was and how much he missed simple conversation with others, and this weighed on Griffeth’s heart.
There, listening to ministry leaders share about what churches can do to help, Griffeth had a divine encounter.
“I heard God say, very quietly, ‘Woodland can do this.’ I said, ‘Are you serious?’ and I heard again: ‘Woodland can do this,’” Griffeth said.
A twice-weekly dementia ministry seemed like too big a project for Woodland to take on, especially without any funding, but Griffeth approached her members anyway.
Their excitement was contagious. In fact, her director of Christian education, Juliette Phillpot, was so enthusiastic about the program that she asked to have her job description updated to include serving as the program director.
And to Griffeth’s surprise, what was an idea quickly morphed into reality as God opened one door after another for the new ministry. They received $3,000 from the church’s Finance Committee, and then, in the fall, were astounded to learn they had received an additional $30,000 Hope Fund grant from the district and conference.
“This was all God,” Griffeth said.
Meanwhile, Woodland’s congregation got to work, lining up volunteers and building their program on the Respite For All model, a foundation that works to teach churches how to provide social support for families living with dementia through a team of volunteers.
Griffeth was continually amazed at how quickly everything fell into place, from funding to volunteers to needed supplies. Respite For All connected them with a similar ministry in Greenville, called Side-By-Side, which allowed Woodland’s team to visit their program and work alongside their volunteers, providing pointers and offering support.
“Again, this was God opening doors,” Griffeth explained.
Joy and laughter abound
Now Woodland has more than 20 regular volunteers and a number of people with dementia who participate.
They typically start their day with games. The day the Advocate visited, Nov. 2, two tables were busy with activities, one assembling puzzles and another playing a memory matching card game. Volunteers sat shoulder to shoulder with participants, everyone laughing and having such a good time; it was difficult to tell who had dementia and who did not.
After social time and games, Phillpot led the room in cognitive exercises, then a devotion, before all gathered for a service project. The day the Advocate visited, they assembled blessing bags for homeless people, filled with items such as socks, Chapstick and various toiletries. A few weeks ago, they packed Christmas stockings for children in Haiti, and other days, they do crafts.
After the project, everyone pushed chairs into a big circle for exercises, such as stretching and chair yoga. Next, church music director Pam Johnson led song time, as everyone sang popular favorites such as “Amazing Grace,” “Shall We Gather at the River” and “America (My Country ’Tis of Thee).”
“Doing this is such a blessing to me,” Johnson said. “It just makes me realize we’re all in the same boat. I’ve never laughed so much in my whole life, and they are such sweet spirits.”
The volunteers, participants and caregivers shared that the joy that permeates the space is what keeps everyone in good cheer. Smiles fill the room.
“You are beautiful—just beautiful. I love you!” one woman remarks, clasping a volunteer’s hand as they both share a connection.
Trivia, fun facts, a hot lunch and games round out the rest of the day. Balloon volleyball played with pool noodles is a huge hit with everyone.
Caregivers arrive around 2 p.m. to pick up their family members, who look tired but happy, energized by the much-needed social interaction.
Caroline Hasselle, who brings her husband, Bob, to the ministry, said the “people time” her husband gets is the biggest draw. “The main thing for me is the socialization he gets,” Hasselle said. “He has Alzheimer’s disease and is very isolated. He doesn’t drive, and people don’t invite him places, but he needs that.”
Here at The Memory Connection at Woodland, he gets the social nourishment his soul so desperately craves.
Susan Murphy, who brings her husband, Ron, agrees.
“It definitely beats sitting home all day,” she said.
A valid ministry
Griffeth said the success of the ministry, and its rapid initiation, is a “God thing.”
“In the few weeks we’ve been in operation, we’ve already seen God changing people’s lives. We received a text from a participant’s wife one day after respite saying that twice during the afternoon he teared up and told her he’d ‘had the most fun day ever’ in the program,” Griffeth said.
Another participant was agitated and reluctant at first with the program, but they sought advice from dementia care specialists and put new suggestions in place.
“Now the participant loves coming to respite. When she walked in yesterday she said, ‘I feel like this is where I’m supposed to be.’ She also continually tells us how much she loves being in respite surrounded ‘by so many good people.’ Again, this was God blessing our work.”
The volunteers also said they get much out of the ministry.
Woodland member Mary Morrison said she lost some family members to dementia, so she appreciates having a way to give back in their memory.
Woodland member Lynne Chandler saw her dad slowly decline and then pass away years ago after a battle with Alzheimer’s, and it’s a blessing for her to be able to help with a program she knows would have benefitted him.
“Something like this would have been great for him, as he was a people person,” Chandler said, noting she immediately said yes when she first learned the ministry needed volunteers. “Dementia is a struggle, and caregivers need a break. This is a very valid ministry.”
In addition to the two days a week of respite care, Griffeth leads a support group for caregivers on the second Monday of each month, as well as a dementia-friendly worship service on the last Monday of the month. Soon, they hope to expand the program from two days a week to four days.
“We are thrilled we can help people with dementia, their care partners and our volunteers reclaim joy together,” Griffeth said. “Rather than being depressing, respite is a time of laughter, friendship, praising God and living their best lives.”
Griffeth said The Memory Connection brings more blessings than they can count. “Each smile, each joke and each voice raised to praise God gives us a glimpse into the kingdom of heaven manifesting itself on earth. It also brings us great joy knowing that we are giving our participants’ care partners a much-needed break to take care of themselves. Without respite, some of the care partners would never have a break from giving their loved ones around-the-clock care. Being a care partner is very difficult work, and we delight in knowing that we can make their jobs a little bit easier.”
To learn more about how to start a similar ministry in your church, email [email protected].
Photos by Jessica Brodie